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Varsity Drag is the twenty-sixth and final episode of ALF's second season. This is the season finale. It originally aired on May 9, 1988.
The episode opens with Brian coming home and cheerily greeting ALF, who barely looks up from his reading material to say hi. It’s remarkable how clearly the lack of interest in this kid shines through. Brian all but ignored by ALF in person, and then when ALF looks through the mail he panics on the grounds that Lynn got an acceptance letter from Amherst College in Massachusetts. If Lynn goes there, she won’t be around anymore, and ALF is devastated.
There needs to be an element of moderation, of course. Lynn waking up with a hangover, for instance, is a mistake…but it’s not as bad as her driving drunk and killing someone. Willie and Kate come in and ALF leaves the room. They need to talk to Lynn alone, because they have some bad news. No matter how they slice it, they can’t afford to send Lynn away for college. He tells her that they’ve had a rare, one-of-a-kind opportunity to live with and observe a creature from another world. The next day, Brian gives a lecture on how to eat an Oreo cookie. ALF says that twisting to top off and licking up all the gooey stuff is the same method he uses to eat a jar of mayonnaise. ALF concludes that everyone’s upset because they want Lynn out of the house. Lynn reiterates her frustrations and storms off, which spurs some nice lament on the part of her parents. ALF knows they can’t give her what she wants…and they also don’t want to upset him. ALF starts digging through the budget for the family, which is how he finds out he’s the cash-sink. Kate tells him that the $10,000 expenditure labelled “miscellaneous,” which he directly questions, is what it costs to support him.
ALF summons Willie and Kate the most effective way he knows how: he politely asks where the fire extinguisher is. There’s a moment here in which Willie says that nobody’s getting another job, and they’ll just have to make sacrifices. ALF wakes Willie and Kate up in the middle of the night to show them the living room, which is full of newspapers. Willie and Kate drive ALF and his newspapers around to deliver around the neighborhood. Mrs. Ochmonek comes out and tells Kate with a tone of serious concern that she didn’t know the Tanners were so hard up for money. Kate says that they’re just trying to earn a little extra money to send Lynn to college, but Mrs. Ochmonek is still worried, and offers the Tanners a place to stay if things get worse. Lynn tells her parents that she doesn't need to go to Amhert.
- Paul Fusco – ALF (puppeteer, voice)
- Lisa Buckley - ALF (assistant puppeteer)
- Bob Fappiano - ALF (assistant puppeteer)
- Max Wright – Willie Tanner
- Anne Schedeen – Kate Tanner
- Andrea Elson – Lynn Tanner
- Benji Gregory – Brian Tanner
"The Varsity Drag" is a song by Ray Henderson.